August 19

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Stop Comparing Yourself To Others: 3 Important Reasons Why

By Alison

August 19, 2021

strengths & weaknesses

Yep, we all do it, and somehow we can’t stop ourselves, but there are 3 important reasons why you should stop comparing yourself to others.

I hate to be brutal, but the reality is you’re:-

  • Not the best
  • Or the worse
  • And the comparison is always driven by emotion

A Distorted View Of Reality

If you’re unhappy with life or perhaps feel that you are not living your real life, then sadly, there’s a tendency to seek some sort of benchmark.

But, unfortunately, when we compare ourselves to others, we usually end up either:

  • Inflating our ego
  • Deflating our ego

Which gives us a false sense of reality.  It’s like comparing apples with oranges.

Because generally, when we feel inferior to someone else, what we’re actually doing is comparing our worst to the other person’s best.

And, when we feel overconfident, we end up comparing our best to their worst.

So you can see how this will give you a distorted view of reality.

3 Important Reasons To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

There are loads of reasons to stop comparing yourself with others, but let’s keep it simple and look at the 3 most important.   

Okay, there’s a bit of tough love coming up, but it’s said with good intentions.

stop comparing yourself to others you're not always the best

Keep things real. Enjoy what you're best at, but don't let it go to your head

1.  Are You Simply The Best?

The reality is that you’re probably great at some things, but not all things.  If you were, you’d be Superwoman.  We really can't be good at everything, it's not possible.

The danger of thinking that you’re the best at everything could leave you feeling superior.  Not an attractive feature either in work or life, especially when people tend to warm to those that are more humble.

Would you approach someone for help if you worried that they would behave in a superior way to you and, worst, look down on you?  Probably not!

Additionally, you deny the fact you have weaknesses.  If you’ve ever worked with someone who behaved in a superior way, I bet they annoyed you immensely. So be honest with me, did you ever try to find a chink in their self-promoted bluster?

Now, I’m not saying this is always the case. For example, perhaps you are competing against others in a competition.  Then it’s super important to believe in yourself and expect to win.  But there is more to confidence than a competitive mindset.

Getting along with others is vital; it makes good sense because it makes life easier.  You really don’t want to alienate others because of a superior attitude.

When you realise and acknowledge that you aren’t the best at everything, you remain humble, more approachable and frankly more likeable.

Stop comparing yourself to others and enjoy what you’re best at.  Just don’t let it go to your head!

Are you the worst

Be aware of how you think about yourself - you aren't always the worst

2. Are You Really The Worst?

When you lack self-confidence or have issues with self-esteem, you might find that you put yourself down.

Okay, so you might not always be the best in the room, but I can guarantee that you aren’t always the worse either. So please don’t beat yourself up about it.

In most cases, when we compare ourselves to others, we tend to compare up. What I mean by this is that we compare ourselves to the people who seem to be better at something than we are.

We put on our rose-tinted spectacles and believe that the other person is superior to us. But, oh boy, all this does is:

  • trigger feelings of inadequacy
  • squash your spirit, and
  • basically makes you feel shit about yourself.

You don’t deserve to feel that way.

A prime culprit is social media.  How often do you find yourself scrolling through the updates and exaggerating someone else’s strengths whilst simultaneously reducing your own?

Remember, you only see a highly curated image of life.  The pictures you see don’t reflect the good, bad, and sometimes the ugly of it all.  You’re only seeing what the other person wants to reveal.

Emotions can make you feel up and down which affects your judgement when comparing yourself to others

our emotions are a roller-coaster. Sometimes they're up and other times, they're down. Either way they affect how you compare yourself to others

3. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others: Beware Of Emotional Bias

If you think about it when we’re comparing ourselves to others, it’s not done from an intellect point of view.  Usually, there are a lot of emotions involved.  And our feelings can’t always be trusted.

Feelings and emotions can change like the wind, and they can also be easily manipulated.  You just have to look at the adverts on any media advice to realise how clever marketers manipulate our emotions daily.

So basing a judgement around your self-worth and value on how you feel at that particular time when you compare yourself to someone else has little value.

When you’re happy, you may feel differently and more confident when making a comparison.  But when you’re low, you may feel less confident.  Yet the person you’re comparing yourself to hasn’t changed.

So, suppose a comparison is driven by emotion. In that case, the outcome logically has to be false as there is no factual basis.

We compare because we fear that we lack something or that something is missing from our life.  Because fear is:

  • False
  • Evidence
  • Appearing
  • Real
comparing yourself to others is open to different interpretations

comparing yourself to others is always open to different interpretations

Exceptions To The Rule

I wrote this article intending to point out why you should stop comparing yourself to others.  But in fairness, there are times when a comparison can be a helpful tool.  But it must be used wisely.

Only use comparison if it provides:

  • Constructive feedback
  • Motivation and encouragement
  • A demonstration of achieving a successful outcome – seeing how others succeed can help you figure out the steps you need to take.

But, there is a caveat – do take stock of what your reactions and motivations are.  Because there is a massive difference between admiring someone and comparing yourself to someone.

So, stop comparing yourself to others.  It will help you stay sane!

  • You’re not the best
  • You’re not the worst and
  • Emotions are unpredictable!



About the author

Life is complicated. We get caught up in the should, need and must do's. I know I did. I lived a life where I was more concerned about pleasing others and keeping up appearances for many years. Until I became ill. The confidence I had disappeared overnight, but slowly I built my confidence back up. I know what it's like to have confidence, lose it and then regain it. Confidence isn't a shout in your face, loud behaviour. It's more about having control over your life and having belief in yourself. I believe you can gain confidence, whatever your age. Kiss stress, anxiety and people-pleasing goodbye and live life on your terms. Let me show you how.

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